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Armored Review

November 15, 2010 Leave a comment

My rating 2 Stars
I was bored this morning so I decided to stream this movie for the hell of it. How bad could it be? Well, it wasn’t horrible, but it didn’t do much to help my being bored. This movie did absolutely nothing for me. It was predictable, not all that exciting and a very, very cheesy to be honest with you.

Look, I wasn’t looking for an Academy Award performance here. I wasn’t looking for huge explosions or a life changing story. I was just looking for a fun movie and I didn’t find it here. The story was weak, the car sequences were boring, the action was really slow. Hell, nothing happened in this movie. They could’ve have done it in less than 30 minutes and it would’ve been just as boring.

The big master plan involved spending 30 minutes—which they managed to stretch for 40 minutes—trying to break into an armored truck by hammering off the pegs that held the door hinges together. Which made me question just how realistic this was? And why did that take them so long to remove? If those pegs were so tight in there, would the door even swing open? And if nothing is holding those pegs up other than friction wouldn’t they eventually fall out with all of the bumps and pot holes the truck goes over?

This movie was just plain stupid. The characters were flat and very uninteresting just like the story. There is not much going for this movie so I can’t recommend it to anybody. If you really want to see it, do it at your own risk.

 

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Old Dogs Review

November 12, 2010 Leave a comment

My rating 1.5 Stars
Old Dogs was beyond awful. It broke new levels of awful for me. Seriously, did these actors even read the script before committing to this movie? Do they just not care anymore? They must not; “Just give me that pay check and let’s get this over with!” is probably the only thing on their mind.

I knew this movie was going to be bad, I just knew it. It looked bad, it had a bad title and the last few Robin William’s comedies haven’t been so great either. And the 5% rating at Rotten Tomatoes wasn’t helping it either. So the fact that this movie sucked was no surprise to me, but what was surprising was that for a moment, I thought I was going to be in for a pleasant surprise.

The movie started out really funny. There were several back to back moments that I laughed out loud. I thought, “Shit, I was all wrong! This movie is pretty darn funny!” I sat up straight and I prepared myself for a good show. Then, the laughter stopped and it wasn’t a slow decline! It was sudden! The movie went from being hysterical to no laughs at all. As if they did it on purpose and it only took 10 minutes. That’s it, ten minutes into the movie and the film made a complete 180 on me. It’s like the funny writer quit after 10 pages into the script. Probably after he realized that the story sucked and there was no way to save it!

But what a waste of universal proportions! I had to entertain myself by scratching dander out of my own head. I even found myself eyeing Glenn Becks website and actually thought it looked good. Both Williams and Travolta have made some real shitty movies in the past, but boy does this top the cake for both actors. They should both be ashamed of this borefest!

BTW, I got the funny feeling that the movie was first conceived as a gay couple who had been stuck with these two kids. I wonder if Hollywood thought that was too much and made the writers change the idea. There were so many “jokes” in the movie that after thinking about it, would have worked perfectly if the two had been a gay couple, but as straight business partners the jokes fell flat. Or maybe it was just the really bad writing. That reminds me if you want to see a movie purely for the bad writing, this is it! This movie has it all: bad writing, bad editing, and bad comedy. It is just plain awful!

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