Home > 2009 Movie Reviews > Ninja Assassin Review

Ninja Assassin Review

My rating2.5 Stars
I have no words to describe just how much I disliked Ninja Assassin. I was bored out of my mind; I couldn’t wait for the movie to finish. Let me be clear—in my best Barack Obama voice—I love a good martial arts movie. I love to watch gory scenes, “The bloodier the better”, I always say! I don’t mind mediocre acting. I’ll even forgive a bad story, but only if the movie is fun to watch. After all, why watch a movie if it’s not going to be fun? For example, Transformers was a bad movie, but it was a fun bad movie. As you watch it you get transported back to simpler times. Your brain shifts into babbling idiot mode as you watch a totally preposterous story “unfold” before you’re very eyes and you can’t help but love it! Well, this movie did none of those things. It felt like a real waste of my valuable time and I resented the filmmakers for wasting it.

Would you like to know what this movie was really like? Imagine a friend invites you over to play a new awesome video game. You stop by and he/she starts playing his/her game, but he/she never gives you a chance to play. All you do is sit there and watch this person go through levels of hacking up monsters, Nazis, robots, or whatever the enemy de jour is. Then I ask you, would you think that is fun? Can you picture yourself watching your “friend” selfishly hogging the control when all you want to do is pry that thing off of his hands just for the chance to play the game if for at least a minute? Yes, that’s how I felt while watching this movie and I did not care for it. If I had paid for this I would have been upset!

So it’s not the really bad story line, and it is bad, trust me. It’s not the bad acting. It isn’t the gore—in fact about the only thing this movie has going for it is the gore. No, it’s none of those things. The movie was just plain boring. I would sooner submit to water boarding rather than watch this…this THING! Hell, if you want to torture someone just show them this movie; unless they’ve already drafted laws against it. It wouldn’t surprise me. I would only recommend this movie as a bad example of what not to do if you want to get into the filmmaking business. Skip IT!

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