Home > 2009 Movie Reviews > I Hate Valentine’s Day Review

I Hate Valentine’s Day Review

I Hate Valentine's Day

I Hate Valentine’s Day is by far one of the worst movies I have ever had the displeasure of watching. I wish I could go back in time and stop myself from watching this despicable movie.

My rating 0.5 Stars

I Hate Valentine’s Day, God, I hated this movie so much. This is another one of those movies that I thought, maybe…maybe, it was going to be okay because of Nia Vardalos, the maker of My Big Fat Greek Wedding, but as it turns out, Nia is a talentless shrew! I think she just got lucky with Greek Wedding. I actually heard a critic say that this movie was just an excuse to bring both actors from the wonderful Greek Wedding movie back together on the screen and also to show off Nia’s expensive plastic surgery. I really hope that is not true, but that was damn funny!

Very quickly, what is this movie about? Nia played a really, really badly developed character that didn’t believe in relationships. She came from a broken home because of her father’s infidelity which she never forgave. To cope with this life-changing event, she figured out a magical number for dating men so that she could still have a good time dating, but not have it develop into a relationship. That magic number was five dates. She went out with men for five dates, that’s it! And then she terminated the relationship. There were some other rules that she went over with other underdeveloped characters, but they were all really freaking boring and stupid and I refuse to waste valuable finger typing strength on that shit.

She lived with that mantra and she thought she was happy until she met the man of her dreams. Excuse me while I ROTFLMAO! She and the man of her dreams, STUPID!, went out on four dates, or five depending on whom you asked. However, she thought there were only four. So after the “fourth date”, he stopped calling her and practically stopped talking to her. He was just holding up his part of the bargain. He thought they had gone on five dates. This made her angry, because she felt cheated out of the fifth date. In reality she had fallen for him. In reality she was really barfing stupid! Wow! Typing this shit actually made me hate this movie even more. I just realized that no matter how stupid I thought this premise was; it is actually a lot more stupid than what I had originally thought and that makes me what to scream!

I am done talking about this absurd movie. It wasn’t funny, it wasn’t cute, and the performances were horrible. Women, please don’t confuse this movie for a chick-flick either, because it is not, it is an idiot-flick! There are plenty of good chick-flick movies out there that are a billion times more entertaining than this. Seriously, ladies do yourselves a favor and never watch this movie! I wish I hadn’t and I bet you that my wife thought the same.

Did I mention the acting was a joke? I don’t know who the fuck told John Corbett that he could act! Actually, I don’t know who told either of them they could act! They were both terrible. They both make Rodney Dangerfield look like a flipping Shakespearian actor. At least Bobby Dreyfuss was somewhat interesting and mildly amusing in My Life In Ruins, there was nothing remotely interesting or amusing at all about this movie, nothing, not a damn thing. Watching the credits was a lot more exciting, because you could sit through them and realize than none of those people will ever have a serious career in movies after this bowel movement of a movie. The negatives of this film should be piled up neatly in a mound, doused with a gallon of kerosene and set on fire. I vow never to watch another Nia Vardalos movie ever again!

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