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Not Forgotten Review

Not Forgotten was trash! Just plain TRASH!

Not Forgotten was trash! Just plain TRASH!

My rating 1 Stars

I haven’t been too impressed with the movies I’ve watched this month (February) that were in my queue. Most of those movies were released on the month of May. I did stray from of my queue a few times just so that I could catch a couple of the Academy Award nominees that are still in the theaters. And thank God for that otherwise I would’ve taken a hostage with the string of bad movies that I’ve been watching lately. May has not impressed me very much; it included movies like Powder Blue, Night at the Museum 2, Terminator Salvation and host of other bad movies. However, all of those movies pale in comparison to Not Forgotten. I have never wanted to stop watching a movie more than I did with this piece of shit. Holy crap! I don’t know what they were thinking. This was evil, pure evil in film format. I am quite sure that it left permanent damage on my DVD player. It almost makes me want to buy a copy just so that I can tear it to pieces, stomp on it, set it on fire and then stomp on it some more. I would’ve much rather seen 27 Dresses, 27 times than to see this film.

The movie is called Not Forgotten and for good reason. It is so bad that if you can somehow get through this frapping thing, you won’t be able to forget it or put it out of your mind. It’s like a watching a man being put to death slowly, it will torment you and not in any interesting way.

Essentially, this sack of unorganized grabastic piece of amphibian shit, not so desperately tries to tell a really bad story of a single father whose wife had died and has since remarried. His daughter, a young teen does not remember her mother, but does keep a picture of her by her bed side and every night before bed she give the photo a kiss. The daughter, I’ll call her Stupid (I don’t recall her name and I don’t wish to waste my time looking for it,) is a young teen girl who likes to play soccer. The father, I’ll call him Dumb Ass, is her coach. The new mother, she’ll be Useless, is just an idiot.

One day, Stupid came across a group called Santa Muerte. They were a cult like religious group similar to Voodoo or Santeria and the group are very popular among Mexican criminal organizations. They were performing one of their rituals when Stupid stopped by. Normally this type of thing would scare the bejesus out of anyone, but no, Stupid thought it was cool. Of course Dumb Ass found Stupid and told her not to get involved with people like that. Whatever!

The next day, Stupid and Dumb Ass have a little bit of a squabble about Stupid wanting to wear make-up. Dumb Ass thought she was too young and that was that. Later in the afternoon, Dumb Ass was running late for soccer practice. When he got there everyone was frantic because one minute Stupid was there and the next she was gone. Dumb Ass thought she was just teaching him a lesson for not letting her wear make-up to school—so he wasn’t worried, at first. However, after several hours had gone by and no word from her had been heard, he changed his tune. The truth was that she had been kidnapped.

Dumb Ass and Useless went berserk, they called the police, the FBI got involved, they went to see a psychic, they prayed… They went to see a psychic? WTF? Who does that, and who do you think was the most helpful of all that were trying to help find Stupid? It was the psychic, obviously, she knew exactly where Stupid was, but instead of telling them outright she told them in some sort of riddle for them to solve. Doesn’t that just make you want to see this movie immediately? It makes me want to stab myself in the gut with a dull knife!

At the same time, the FBI was also on the case, but instead of investigating the kidnapping, they were investigating Dumb Ass. Why were they looking into him, I don’t know! However, they noticed that they couldn’t find a death record of Stupid’s real mother. The reason they couldn’t find any record was because she wasn’t dead. It turned out that Dumb Ass used to be some sort of Mexican mob hit man and the mother was a Mexican prostitute. One day Dumb Ass got tired of the life and he decided to start fresh. Without telling anyone, he packed up his stuff, took his daughter and left Mexico and moved to Texas just over the border. What a great place to hide! No one will find him there, only 200 miles from where he was originally.

This movie is so retarded—it made me question my goal. The acting was horrible, the story was horrendous, the editing was just ridiculous, the Spanish—where did they get these Spanish actors that couldn’t speak Spanish, that just didn’t make any sense to me! It’s like the director told the actors, “I’m sorry, your Spanish accent doesn’t sound anything like my crappy American accent, can you fake an American-Spanish accent? That’d be super!”

Normally, I would tell you the end of a movie I hate, but this story was so stupid that it does not deserve to ever be retold. I will spare you; trust me, just live with the mystery. Here’s something to put it in perspective for you; the movie spent a total of 5 weeks in 4 theaters and made a whopping $35 thousand dollars. Whoever wrote this movie’s rigmarole should be put through a slow and painful death.

Categories: 2009 Movie Reviews
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