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Next Day Air Review

February 23, 2010 Leave a comment
Next Day Air

Next Day Air is not a bad movie; just a little stereotypical which makes it a bit disappointing, but otherwise still very funny and entertaining.

My rating 3.5 Stars

I feel a little conflicted. I don’t know whether I should be outraged or excited. By being outraged, I’ll be adding fuel to the racist fire and I really don’t want to do that, I think there is enough fire there already. By being excited, I wonder if that would make me part of the stereotyping of African Americans? Why am I so concerned? I just saw the movie Next Day Air. While part of me thought that it was funny and fairly clever the other part of me thought the movie was incredibly stereotypical, by portraying African Americans and Latinos as nothing more than stupid, lazy drug dealers, thieves and thugs and that worries me. One can make the argument that because the movie was directed by Benny Boom, an African American, the portrayal is excused. I disagree. If anything I think it makes it worse. It almost makes me thing that African Americans see themselves as though if this type of lifestyle is acceptable or healthy. I think it’s a shame if African Americans see themselves like that, do they? Why would they make a comedy of this nature? It bothers me because whites have mistreated Blacks for so long in our history. Whites have been putting Blacks down for centuries, making them feel like they are sub-human and inferior. I often wonder if this is the product of that. They have drilled into the heads of Blacks that they are criminals and stupid and I am afraid that Blacks are starting to believe this. I really hope not!

While I am sure there will be some of you who will agree with me, others may not. However, those who agree with me are probably scratching their heads wondering, why on Earth would he also be excited about this film? As much as I hated the portrayal of Blacks and Latinos in this movie as criminals, I still found the movie pretty darn funny and somewhat entertaining. The dialog and the interactions between the characters reminded me a lot of some sort of urban Shakespearian play. It was also very silly and almost innocent in nature, to a certain extent.

A young NDA (Next Day Air a take-on UPS) package delivery guy, Leo (played by Donald Faison from the TV show Scrubs) delivers a rather large shipment of “chalk” (cocaine) to the wrong apartment. Leo is also an avid pot smoker. He is stoned half the time and often delivers his parcels to his clients while smoking it. The only reason Leo manages to keep his job is because he works for his mother. Leo is not a bad kid; he’s just not the smartest and he has no ambitions what so ever. All he wants to do is have a good time. On the day that he delivered the “package” to the wrong apartment, the original recipient saw him in the hallway and asked him if there was anything for him, his answer was, “Nope.” The recipient was a young Latino guy named Jesus, played by Cisco Reyes. Jesus, who liked his named pronounced Gee-sus, was expecting the “package” and it was imperative that he would get it. He had screwed up previously with his boss and this was the second and last chance he would get to prove himself loyal to his employers. Needless to say, the package being delivered to the wrong place was not part of the plan.

In the mean time, the apartment that the “package” was delivered to belonged to a gang of thugs who had just attempted to rob a bank, but failed miserably. Instead of taking the bank’s money, they took the bank’s security tapes. Two of them were arguing back and forth about the miscommunication while the other was trying to sleep on the sofa. The guy that was sleeping wakes up and goes to the bathroom just as the package arrives. He accepted the package and put it in the apartment and went about his business. He never told the other guys about it, so during a lull in the argument they both noticed the “package” and decided to open it. When they discovered that there’s half a million dollars worth of “chalk” in it they assumed that the package was sent down from God. I know, pretty ridiculous!

The story develops from there and it becomes a cat and mouse chase between Jesus, his girlfriend, Leo, the Thugs in the apartment and the people that the thugs were going to sell the dope to. The movie isn’t half bad; there were some really funny scenes. Some of my favorites were when Jesus kept trying to interrogate people. He wasn’t very good at being intimidating, instead his sweet, innocent girlfriend suddenly became some kind of angry creature and would slap the hell out of these men often extracting the information they needed. She was quite funny. I must give credit to the writers. While I didn’t like the portrayal of the men in this story, I thought they did a nice job with the women.

As much as I enjoyed the movie, I can’t recommend it to the average movie fan. I hate to say this, but the only people that would find this movie funny would be those who live in an urban environment, people that live and were raised in a suburban environment will not understand this movie at all. If you aren’t from that background don’t bother with this film, odds are this is not the right type of film for you.

The Brothers Bloom Review

February 21, 2010 Leave a comment
The Brothers Bloom

The Brothers Bloom is witty, confusing mess of a movie, but it’s really fun to watch.

My rating 3.5 Stars

Stephen and Bloom were brothers and very talented con artists. Steven developed a con like Mozart wrote music.  They were also well known and respected by other con artists. It all started back when they were children. One day, Bloom had his eye on a certain young lady, but he was too shy to approach her. Stephen knew that Bloom would talk to her if he could focus his mind on something else other than the girl and so their first con was born. Stephen wrote an elaborate plan for them to make money from the school children and at the same time get his brother to talk to the young lady. The plan was brilliant. Bloom was to tell the kids about a cave with a magical creature inside. The children believed the story, but Bloom would not reveal the whereabouts of the cave unless they paid up and so they did. Every child coughed up 2 bucks and off they went to see the cave. When they got there, Steven was hidden in the cave holding a shiny object. The reflection was very bright and so the children of course thought that it was the magical creature. Steven then moved deeper into the cave and so the reflection of “creature” dimed and disappeared. The children went in the cave madly to try to catch the magical creature, but instead they all slipped on mud that Steven had previously set up so that the children would fall and get muddy. He didn’t do this to be mean; he had other reasons.

The children never found the creature, but nevertheless they were all thrilled and excited about the adventure. However, once the children got home all dirty, their parents were livid! Each parent went to the home of the brothers Bloom and demanded that they return their children’s money. The Bloom brothers were in trouble; they returned the money and were grounded for their behavior. However, as I said before, the plan was brilliant. Steven had struck a deal with the only dry cleaner in town the day before. He promised him a spike in business the next day if he were to get a cut of the profits. The next day all of the parents took in their children’s muddy garments to the dry cleaners to be washed. And so the Brothers Bloom pulled their first con and they never looked back. That is until Bloom realized that his life was a lie!

The Brothers Bloom eventually grew up and became increasingly skilled con men. They were very successful, but Bloom started to feel as if his entire life has been scripted by his brother; the money, the life, the women, all had been written like some kind of story by his brother Steven. As much as Bloom appreciated his efforts, he felt as if he should be creating his own life. He wanted out. Steven, of course, was disappointed, but he did let him go. Steven loved his brother very much. His whole life was spent making sure his brother was happy and well taken care of. When Bloom came to this decision Steven was worried that his bother would not be happy on his own. He decided to write one last con, one that would set Bloom for the rest of his life. The trick was that Bloom should never know the real intentions of the con.

Steven found a miserable shut-in, a young woman who was very rich. The truth, he wanted his brother to settle down with her, but Bloom would never just do that. Instead, he convinced his brother to do one last con and after that he would never bother him again. Bloom agreed and they proceeded to con the miserable shut-in. The target’s name was Penelope and she was hysterical. She was also very, very rich, so rich that when she drove her Lamborghini she didn’t bother using her brakes. Instead she would use standing structures to stop her car; she would just buy a new car and replace the structure right after destroying it. Her life consisted of collecting other people’s hobbies. When she saw someone doing something she liked, she would study it and perfect it. The woman could juggle chainsaws while riding an 18 foot tall unicycle.

The brothers studied her for a while and they realized the best way to enter her life was to fake an “accident.” Bloom would put himself in a position where Penelope would hit him with her car and she would feel terrible for him and fall for his charm later on. However, things didn’t go as planned this time around. She did fall for Bloom as planned, but she also finds out that the two were con artists and that she was being conned, but she didn’t care, she wanted to join the gang and con others. After being locked up in a huge mansion all of her life, she had never felt more alive than when she met the brothers Bloom.

The Brothers Bloom is the story of a con within a con within a con and so on and it’s pretty entertaining. The movie is a crazy confusing ride at times. You get lost quite a bit, but they always manage to get you back, but not quite on track. This film must’ve been a real challenge to keep straight because the plot is all over the place and you often wonder who’s conning whom. I found the movie to be a lot of fun, granted it’s not the best movie in 2009, but it is a pretty decent one. It’s one that I think people will enjoy. I know I did!

Categories: 2009 Movie Reviews

Not Forgotten Review

February 19, 2010 Leave a comment
Not Forgotten was trash! Just plain TRASH!

Not Forgotten was trash! Just plain TRASH!

My rating 1 Stars

I haven’t been too impressed with the movies I’ve watched this month (February) that were in my queue. Most of those movies were released on the month of May. I did stray from of my queue a few times just so that I could catch a couple of the Academy Award nominees that are still in the theaters. And thank God for that otherwise I would’ve taken a hostage with the string of bad movies that I’ve been watching lately. May has not impressed me very much; it included movies like Powder Blue, Night at the Museum 2, Terminator Salvation and host of other bad movies. However, all of those movies pale in comparison to Not Forgotten. I have never wanted to stop watching a movie more than I did with this piece of shit. Holy crap! I don’t know what they were thinking. This was evil, pure evil in film format. I am quite sure that it left permanent damage on my DVD player. It almost makes me want to buy a copy just so that I can tear it to pieces, stomp on it, set it on fire and then stomp on it some more. I would’ve much rather seen 27 Dresses, 27 times than to see this film.

The movie is called Not Forgotten and for good reason. It is so bad that if you can somehow get through this frapping thing, you won’t be able to forget it or put it out of your mind. It’s like a watching a man being put to death slowly, it will torment you and not in any interesting way.

Essentially, this sack of unorganized grabastic piece of amphibian shit, not so desperately tries to tell a really bad story of a single father whose wife had died and has since remarried. His daughter, a young teen does not remember her mother, but does keep a picture of her by her bed side and every night before bed she give the photo a kiss. The daughter, I’ll call her Stupid (I don’t recall her name and I don’t wish to waste my time looking for it,) is a young teen girl who likes to play soccer. The father, I’ll call him Dumb Ass, is her coach. The new mother, she’ll be Useless, is just an idiot.

One day, Stupid came across a group called Santa Muerte. They were a cult like religious group similar to Voodoo or Santeria and the group are very popular among Mexican criminal organizations. They were performing one of their rituals when Stupid stopped by. Normally this type of thing would scare the bejesus out of anyone, but no, Stupid thought it was cool. Of course Dumb Ass found Stupid and told her not to get involved with people like that. Whatever!

The next day, Stupid and Dumb Ass have a little bit of a squabble about Stupid wanting to wear make-up. Dumb Ass thought she was too young and that was that. Later in the afternoon, Dumb Ass was running late for soccer practice. When he got there everyone was frantic because one minute Stupid was there and the next she was gone. Dumb Ass thought she was just teaching him a lesson for not letting her wear make-up to school—so he wasn’t worried, at first. However, after several hours had gone by and no word from her had been heard, he changed his tune. The truth was that she had been kidnapped.

Dumb Ass and Useless went berserk, they called the police, the FBI got involved, they went to see a psychic, they prayed… They went to see a psychic? WTF? Who does that, and who do you think was the most helpful of all that were trying to help find Stupid? It was the psychic, obviously, she knew exactly where Stupid was, but instead of telling them outright she told them in some sort of riddle for them to solve. Doesn’t that just make you want to see this movie immediately? It makes me want to stab myself in the gut with a dull knife!

At the same time, the FBI was also on the case, but instead of investigating the kidnapping, they were investigating Dumb Ass. Why were they looking into him, I don’t know! However, they noticed that they couldn’t find a death record of Stupid’s real mother. The reason they couldn’t find any record was because she wasn’t dead. It turned out that Dumb Ass used to be some sort of Mexican mob hit man and the mother was a Mexican prostitute. One day Dumb Ass got tired of the life and he decided to start fresh. Without telling anyone, he packed up his stuff, took his daughter and left Mexico and moved to Texas just over the border. What a great place to hide! No one will find him there, only 200 miles from where he was originally.

This movie is so retarded—it made me question my goal. The acting was horrible, the story was horrendous, the editing was just ridiculous, the Spanish—where did they get these Spanish actors that couldn’t speak Spanish, that just didn’t make any sense to me! It’s like the director told the actors, “I’m sorry, your Spanish accent doesn’t sound anything like my crappy American accent, can you fake an American-Spanish accent? That’d be super!”

Normally, I would tell you the end of a movie I hate, but this story was so stupid that it does not deserve to ever be retold. I will spare you; trust me, just live with the mystery. Here’s something to put it in perspective for you; the movie spent a total of 5 weeks in 4 theaters and made a whopping $35 thousand dollars. Whoever wrote this movie’s rigmarole should be put through a slow and painful death.

Categories: 2009 Movie Reviews

The Merry Gentleman Review

February 17, 2010 Leave a comment
The Merry Gentleman

"The Merry Gentleman" is Michael Keaton’s directorial debut. Keaton succeeds at bringing to life two mysterious and compelling characters and keeping you in suspense throughout the entire movie. Great film!

My rating 4 Stars

After her husband, Michael, hit her again, Kate Frazier (Kelly Macdonald) decided that she had finally had enough of the spousal abuse. She waited for Michael who was a police officer to leave for work; she took the opportunity to sneak out and moved to Chicago. There she started fresh and attempted to forget the terrible life that she had endured.

Kate was a young woman who was an immigrant of Scotland. She had an adorable Scottish accent that everyone seemed to love. She was a kind woman, very honest, friendly, but a little naive as well. Once she arrived in Chicago, she had no problems finding a job.  She started working as a secretary answering phones at a law firm. She had no trouble making new friends, but she wasn’t comfortable talking about her past and her abusive marriage.   However, secretly everyone knew something was going on.

Kate had been working for a while and she was just starting to be at ease at her new job. One day, she noticed that it had started to snow. She was a fan of the snow, it made her happy. As she looked up to admire its beauty she noticed a man on the ledge of the building across the street from the law firm. For a moment she thought the man was about to jump so she screamed at him. The man on the ledge was startled and fell backwards on to the roof of the building. It looks as though she saved his life.

The man on the ledge was Frank Logan (Michael Keaton), a hired hit man. He had just finished a job just before Kate saw him and startled him. He had been hired to kill one of the lawyers that worked at Kate’s law firm. However, just before he shot the man, as he was looking through the scope of his rifle, he had noticed Kate.  Something about her was very mystifying and alluring, but he had to finish his job. It’s not clear if Frank was going to jump that night or not, but one thing is certain, after every job, Frank would attempt to kill himself, but would always change his mind. That night, in my opinion, he was serious about jumping, but Kate saved his life by startling him.

After the ledge incident Kate called the police to report what she had seen. She had no idea that someone had just killed one of the partners. She only found out about that the next day after the detectives came back to question her more about what she saw. However, she really didn’t see anything. To her, she just saved some poor guy’s life. Ironically, after she found out that this man may have killed someone, she didn’t feel that good about herself any more.

A day or two later Kate and Frank met. This was no accident, although Frank made sure that it looked like one. He had been taken with her since the moment he laid eyes on her or did he just want to see if she had recognized him from that night? Was he developing feelings for Kate or did he have plans to dispose of her if she knew who he was and what he had done? We are kept in suspense for most of the film. Keaton who also directed the film did a really nice job at keeping that tension high. The suspense was mounted further because of a relationship that Kate had been developing with one of the detectives, now the plot thickens and you often wonder if Frank just wanted to make sure that Kate was not feeding the cops information about him.

We don’t know much about Frank. What we do know is very subtle. He hardly ever spoke, but his lack of words spoke volumes. Frank was very spiritual, ironic, isn’t it? It is obvious that he believed in something more than just this life. He was quite an interesting character. I just wish we knew more about him. It is because of his spirituality that he felt so much shame for the things he had done. God only knows what he said to himself after each job to change his mind about ending his own life.

I really liked this story. It was very sweet and filled with emotions. It was really nicely performed by everyone especially Michael Keaton who I haven’t seen since The Paper. Frank’s character was very complex. He said very little, but spoke so much with just his mere presence. It was quite a performance, one worth checking out. I thought Keaton did a great job in both directing and performing in this film. If you like movies like Leon, The Professional, then I think you are really going to enjoy this film.

Powder Blue Review

February 15, 2010 Leave a comment
Powder Blue

Powder Blue is—for lack of a better word—horrendous! There are better waste-of-time movies out there, find them and skip this ridiculous movie!

My rating 2 Stars

Powder Blue was another one of those Crash style or “hyperlink cinema” movies that have become so popular in the past few years except for one small detail, it was dreadful! If you are unfamiliar with hyperlink cinema I’ll do my best to explain them. In a regular movie you have one or two lead actors with a number of supporting actors. The plot or the story of the movie revolves around the leads so you put all of your attention on just those people. Everyone else around the leads enhance the story that unfolds around them.

In a hyperlink cinema story, you have multiple stories going on at once. It is multilinear and it can get very complicated therefore it may take a lot of work from the audience to keep track of all of the different story lines. Most of the time with these types of stories the writer will choose to converge all of the stories in the end with one huge plot, as if the story were the lead actor and the individual stories were the supporting roles. This isn’t done all the time, but it is the most popular, and in my opinion the most entertaining and interesting style of telling a story. I enjoy this type of storytelling; it can be quite invigorating, if done correctly, and if done incorrectly they can be as torturous for the audience as water boarding. In my opinion Powder Blue was done very poorly with very little story and nothing seemed to tie together. The acting was also just tedious and quite dull.

Powder Blue had a promising beginning, but soon it was obvious the movie wasn’t going to go anywhere, like a plane that crashes just as it takes off. The movie started out with Jack Doheny (Ray Liota) getting out of prison. He had been looking forward to seeing his wife again, but she had died while he was in prison leaving him with nothing to live for. Like any good man whose wife just died, he went to the strip club to find another. That’s just juicy writing!

Next we meet Charlie (Forest Whitaker), he was depressed and wanted to kill himself. He had been a former priest, but after meeting a woman who stole his heart he left the parish to marry her. It was the happiest moment of his life. That is until he got the great idea to film her while he was driving. By the way, you should know that if you begin to film something while driving, you will get into a head on collision. Who does this? Charlie of course felt like God punished him for leaving the parish (in reality it was really nature who was trying to weed out yet another idiot from the gene pool, but failed) and he couldn’t bear the pain of living his life with the awful idea that not only did he lose the woman he loved, but that he was responsible for her death. However, being a man of God he couldn’t kill himself, instead he went around town trying to hire someone who would do him the favor for $50,000. That sounds reasonable to me! He should’ve called Mickey Rourke, he would’ve done it in a minute!

Finally we meet Rose-Johnny (Jessica Biel), not only did she have a stupid name, but she also was the most idiotic character in the film and that is saying a lot, there was a cross-dressing prostitute that was pretty stupid too. Rose (or freaking Johnny) was an exotic aerialist, but not a very good one. Okay, she had the smoking bod, but her most “impressive” act involved pouring hot candle wax over her back. BORING! This girl had problems, she was a tramp, a drug user, a terrible employee, and not a very nice girl overall, but she had fans. In fact she was the main attraction at the club where she worked. Men would flock from all over town to see her “dance”. Hopefully these men were paid a little more than the going rate for extras because it was a coma inducing show!

The whole story took place a few days before Christmas and Rose-Johnny wanted to take the day off to spend it with her son who is in a coma. Perhaps he caught her show! The manager of the club, Patrick Swayze, wanted her working on Christmas day. It’s too bad that my last memory of Patrick is of him playing this pathetic A-Hole! BTW, a Patrick Swayze with eyeliner—not a good look! This was of course the club that Jack Doheny chose to go find a “nice woman” to spend the rest of his free life with and guess who caught his eye, none other than Miss Rose-Johnny! Of course he fell for her, but she couldn’t stand him, she couldn’t stand anyone, especially her clients, she was miserable, her son was in a coma and she had to pour hot wax on herself on Christmas day, her dog has gone missing and she was facing a hospital bill that she had no idea how she was going to pay. I can almost hear the twanging sounds of the country song! Except this wasn’t based in the country, it was based in LA and it is one of the most retarded movies I have ever seen. If this movie were any more retarded, it’d be related to Sarah Palin. Skip this movie entirely, unless you’re an interrogator and need an extremely inhumane way to extract information from your detainee.

The Blind Side Review

February 14, 2010 3 comments
The Blind Side

The Blind Side is a beautiful story. I wish there were more like it.

My review 4.5 Stars

If you are a football fan, especially if you are a Baltimore Ravens fan, you are probably familiar with the name Michael Oher. If you do recognize the name, do you know of his background or where he came from? Michael Oher was removed from his mother’s care at an early age by the state because she was a drunk and a drug addict and the state had deemed her as an unfit parent. Michael was placed in a number of foster homes, but he never felt comfortable in any of them and as a result he would constantly run away. Michael was raised by foster parents; he grew into a huge young man which earned him the nickname Big Mike, a name that he was not very fond of.

His last foster parents enrolled him in a Christian school. At first the school didn’t want to take him, probably because he was black, but they used the excuse that his grades weren’t very good. However, the coach of the school’s football team begged the school board to let him in, thinking that Michael would someday be a perfect offensive linesman. Apparently there is a preferred body type for this position and Michael was the perfect candidate for it. Of course Michael would have to get his grades up before he could ever play any sports in school. However, he had very little help from the school staff. They wrote him off as being lazy and stupid. Michael wasn’t stupid, he was just skilled in different areas, but no one took notice of that except for one teacher who decided to help him out with his studies. After she took interest in him, Michael began doing better in school.

However Michael had once again run away from the foster parents that had placed him in the school. He was essentially homeless. I can’t even imagine where he would go to sleep and as for food, we see him collecting uneaten bags of popcorn after a ball game at one point. Michael somehow got by, but just barely. However, his life changed the day that Leigh Anne Tuohy (Sandra Bullock) discovered him walking on the streets in the freezing rain. There was something about him that indicated to her that he had nowhere to go. Leigh picked him up from the street and offered to let him stay the night in her house. She did this out of the kindness of her heart, expecting nothing in return. She did battle with herself a bit wondering if she had done the right thing. She didn’t know him from Adam, what if Michael turned out to be a thief or God forbid, worse, but she left it to the grace of God.

Michael ended up staying at the Tuohy’s house for a bit longer than one night. During Thanksgiving as the family gathered around the TV while they watched football and began to eat their “feast”, Leigh noticed that Michael was eating alone at the table. She took the initiative, turned off the TV off and ordered the family to have a nice sit-down Thanksgiving dinner at the table as a family. They all grunted, but they shuffled along and joined Michael at the table. (Leigh is the type of person that you do not question what she says, ever!) This made Michael feel like he was part of something special for the first time in his life.

The Tuohy family felt complete with Michael around and they welcomed him in as if he were one of their own, not just a foster child. For the first time in his life Michael had a mother, a father, a little brother and a sister and he loved it, he loved them, but what is most important was that they loved him in return.

The Blind Side is a really nice story and movie. In fact, it’s one of the best human drama stories that I have seen recently and it really warmed my heart and made me realize that we aren’t all that terrible after all. There are still people out there who are willing to put trust in others and do great acts of kindness without asking anything in return. It was just such a beautiful story and I wish there were more like it. Unfortunately, despite the selflessness act of the Touhy’s family, there are people that prefer to look at this in a negative light. These people look at this story and instead of seeing someone helping another in a time of great need they instead see racism. Those people opt to look at this story as if it were implying that all black people need saving by the white man’s hand. I think they missed the point. That reminds me when some women get upset at me for holding the door open for them. I hold the door open for whom ever. I don’t do it because I think women are weak. When Leigh Anne took that boy home I am sure she wasn’t thinking that black people need to be saved by white people. It is comments like that that are truly racist. We all need each other; no man is an island and shame on anyone who thought that.

You might have heard a buzz going around praising Sandra Bullock for her role. It is all well deserved. I hear that she passed on the role when she first came across it, maybe it was because she had to take a pay cut to star in this film. Whatever the reason was, someone finally talked her into making the film. I am glad that she did, because she was fantastic. I wouldn’t say the same about everyone else in the movie. The actor that played Michael was very weak and so was Tim McGraw who played Leigh’s husband. However, Sandra’s performance more than made up for everyone else. It is a pleasure to watch and I think anyone would be very entertained by this film. If I have to say anything negatives about this movie it would be that I thought they didn’t focus enough on the life of Michael Oher. I would’ve liked to have seen more of him and of his background. I would have liked to have seen more evidence of how Michael changed Leigh Anne’s life. However, Sandra’s performance more than made up for any negatives this movie and to top it all off the interactions between Michael and his new baby brother were incredibly adorable. What a wonderfully moving story!

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian Review

February 12, 2010 Leave a comment
Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian

There is no reason to watch “Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian (**)” at all. Please, don’t even show this movie to kids, unless you have no aspirations for your child what so ever, do not submit your child to this type of torture.

My rating 2 Stars

When I watched the first Night at the Museum I was expecting the movie to be really cool. After all it is a very neat idea. Museum pieces coming to life! That’s pretty darn awesome! I was trying to imagine all the really interesting characters that might come to life. You could have a whole TV series with this idea. Plus it was Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson who have been very funny in the past. What could go wrong? Seriously, what went wrong here? The movie was just awful! It wasn’t funny at all; it wasn’t interesting; it was as if they made it up as they went through the film production. I wonder did these people even have a script to work with? If they did, it was a boring one and it made me wonder what were these writers smoking when they wrote this. Perhaps they were under pressure from the executives to come up with something, anything and fast. Most likely that is what happened. Shame on those executives!

In either case, I watched the movie. I started with an open mind, big mistake! That didn’t go very well at all. I narrowed my perception to unrealistic. That usually does the trick for me, but it still didn’t work. I went down even further to child thought process, down to toddler, down to single cell organism, nothing worked. The movie was just plain crap! I finally had to switch gears to babbling idiot, but by that time I did that it had been too late; the movie was over and I am not about to watch that movie again, ever! It’s enough that I still have nightmares of this movie coming to life at night and trying to eat me!

However bad the movie was somehow they manage to turn a profit. I smell a rat! No offence to rats of course. Yes, they turned a profit and they made yet a second part to this garbage of a movie. That’s like ordering a shit sandwich and then ordering another one with extra shit. However, I don’t like to prejudge, (did I just hear someone laugh?) I gave the movie the benefit of the doubt. Plus this time it stars Amy Adams and if you have been following my reviews, you know how I feel about her acting. I didn’t think the movie would be good, but I thought it would be at least a little better than the first. (The gods of movie sequels die of laughter!) After all it was based in the Smithsonian! How cool? What could go wrong? Well, wrong happened and it happened often. I started watching this movie on babbling idiot just in case, it is my lowest setting and it still found a way to insult my intelligence. This movie isn’t worth a damn. The only redeeming quality of this movie is Amy Adams as Emilia Earhart. She did a great job with the role as she always does. She was very funny, very entertaining and very sweet. However, as good as Amy is, I don’t think she’s talented enough to carry a movie like that all by herself. It was like ordering a nice, juicy, delicious steak with a heaping dollop of manure while the meat industry is keeping you company telling you all about their business practices.

I suppose there were a few effects that were mildly amusing; however, none of them were that impressive that would excuse such bad story telling. There was one scene where they entered the very famous, black and white, World War II “The Kiss” photo. They filmed the entire scene in black and white and with the feel of the late 1940’s, but it was very short and it did nothing for the story. Just like every other scene in the movie.

There is no reason to watch this at all. Please, don’t even show this movie to kids, unless you have no aspirations for your child what so ever, do not submit your child to this type of torture. Do yourself a favor and never watch this movie, EVER!

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