The Lovely Bones Review

My rating
I couldn’t help myself. I know that The Lovely Bones wasn’t anywhere near being next in my queue but after looking at what was in store for me—it just wasn’t looking good; I said screw it! The Lovely Bones came in the mail today so I watched it and damn it, I enjoyed it. I had a good feeling that I was going to like this movie even though a lot of people hated it. But to me this idea was so unique, I have never heard of anything like this movie.

Of course Stanley Tucci was incredible! What an effing A-Hole! He played that part so convincingly that I grew an undeserved hatred for the actor. I have been a fan of Tucci for a while. I know he’s a good actor, I just didn’t know that he could play a character in such a way that would make me hate the actor. Because part of me thinks that to be able to successfully play this part he had to become that horrible monster…that, that…thing! All I wanted to do was reach into the screen, grab him, shake him and cry out, “Why, why?” This role couldn’t have been easy for him to do. Like the role of Mo’Nique in precious, Tucci brought the devil right to my monitor screen and I despised him for it. Well done sir!

I don’t care what the critics think on this one. They are dead wrong. This is a really good movie. It is what movies should be and Peter Jackson did an amazing job directing it. This movie wasn’t about a 14 year old getting raped and killed. They never even showed you that. The movie was about how the murder affected her entire family. How they were affected, torn and broken up. And I thought this was done almost to perfection.

Unfortunately there were a couple of things that bugged me about the film. There was one scene that I didn’t think should have been part of the movie. Maybe this was what other critics didn’t like. I thought it took away from the story. I didn’t even understand why it was there to begin with and it almost lost me completely. Thankfully, the ending more than made up for it. But for a minute, it did look like a really bad fumble and I thought I was going to be left extremely disappointed. Thank God, I was wrong.

Everybody’s Fine Review

My rating
I have got to stop watching emotional movies on my own. My God, Everybody’s Fine is so sad! I practically went through a whole box of Kleenex while watching it. I’m so pathetic sometimes. I’m a big sissy is what I am. I find myself crying during some commercials sometimes. I can’t even watch A League of Their Own because I start bawling like a little girl! I don’t care. I love emotional movies. It makes me feel alive and reassures me that my heart is not made of stone. And for that reason I really liked this film. It was a warm, kind and beautiful story.

I’ll admit that the movie takes its time to build, but I think the payoff is worth it. For your patience you are rewarded with a warmhearted ending that reassures you that no matter what, no matter what problems and tribulations may come, what really matters most in life is family.

However, to be perfectly honest the acting is not the best. I don’t know what happened because the movie featured some of the best actors that I know. Maybe the director just didn’t know how to bring out the real talent from the actors. That is always disappointing, but I still liked the story a lot and I would still recommend people would watch it. It just isn’t going to win any awards. But that is okay, not all movies need to be winners.

Splice Review

My rating
I have no words, no words to express how much Splice sucked! You know how much it would suck to get audited by the IRS five years in a row; well this movie sucked a lot more than that ever would. This movie must have been some kind of cruel joke played on the actors. It must have been. It is very obvious that the director hated the actors and made them shoot this movie at gun point, perhaps even held their family for ransom or something. I cannot imagine that any actor would read this script and think this would make a good movie.

I can appreciate that in theory, the idea of this movie sounds interesting. And it could have probably been a good movie, but whomever wrote the script botched it bad! First of all, there was no character continuity anywhere present in the movie. One minute Elsa is a good caring mother who will do anything for her “child” and the next she’s the Nazi mother from hell ready to mutilate the creature. The same goes with all of the characters in this movie. It’s like whoever wrote the script went through countless mood swings as they wrote it.

And the story…Jesus Christ, the story was so stupid! The movie starts out weak and manages to get weaker, if that is even possible. It went from bad to really bad to God awful! I kept hoping it would pick up because I was in it for the long run, but it just never did. I hated this movie! Thank God it’s over! I hope to never see this piece of shit ever again! I need an Advil!

The Private Lives of Pippa Lee Review

My rating
The Private Lives of Pippa Lee is an outstanding and beautiful story of a woman that never quite found herself. She was raised by a mother that was always high on speed and a father of the cloth. Pippa loved her mother very much, but her mother didn’t love herself at all. She was a mess. When Pippa finally had enough of that life she escaped by turning to drugs and doing what can only be described as soft-core porn. Her parents basically prepared Pippa to make one bad decision after another. They also taught her to dilute herself into thinking she was happy when she wasn’t.

This was a really good story, it really was. The movie however, wasn’t. I don’t know what amateur directed or edited this film! Or maybe it was the script, I don’t know, but the way the movie was presented made no sense to me at all. It is true that Pippa’s life was a very complicated story full of emotions and drama, but wouldn’t you think that a story like that almost writes itself? I find it amazing that they could screw this up so badly. I think that they tried to get all fancy telling you bits and pieces of her past life, sometimes out of order in hopes that it would give the movie a fresh feel. What it ended up doing was ruining the whole damn thing. We’re talking about family problems, people, not 5 levels deep of dreams! (Did you get the Inception reference?) That was completely unnecessary.

I’m sure a lot of you have seen Forest Gump. Remember Jenny? Remember how screwed up her life was? I’ve always thought that her story would make for an emotional roller coaster ride. Pippa’s story was practically Jenny’s life. How these filmmakers screwed it I will never know! I wish I could give this movie 2 stars, but I can’t in good faith do that. I really did love the story. I really did feel for Pippa. My heart went out to that character. She was such an innocent person and any time I see an innocent character being scarred by his or her own parents, husband, whatever, it really moves me. This movie could have easily gotten a 4.5 or even a 5, but they didn’t even try and that upsets me. I wish I could get a hold of that script and make it better. I think any idiot could.

Ninja Assassin Review

My rating
I have no words to describe just how much I disliked Ninja Assassin. I was bored out of my mind; I couldn’t wait for the movie to finish. Let me be clear—in my best Barack Obama voice—I love a good martial arts movie. I love to watch gory scenes, “The bloodier the better”, I always say! I don’t mind mediocre acting. I’ll even forgive a bad story, but only if the movie is fun to watch. After all, why watch a movie if it’s not going to be fun? For example, Transformers was a bad movie, but it was a fun bad movie. As you watch it you get transported back to simpler times. Your brain shifts into babbling idiot mode as you watch a totally preposterous story “unfold” before you’re very eyes and you can’t help but love it! Well, this movie did none of those things. It felt like a real waste of my valuable time and I resented the filmmakers for wasting it.

Would you like to know what this movie was really like? Imagine a friend invites you over to play a new awesome video game. You stop by and he/she starts playing his/her game, but he/she never gives you a chance to play. All you do is sit there and watch this person go through levels of hacking up monsters, Nazis, robots, or whatever the enemy de jour is. Then I ask you, would you think that is fun? Can you picture yourself watching your “friend” selfishly hogging the control when all you want to do is pry that thing off of his hands just for the chance to play the game if for at least a minute? Yes, that’s how I felt while watching this movie and I did not care for it. If I had paid for this I would have been upset!

So it’s not the really bad story line, and it is bad, trust me. It’s not the bad acting. It isn’t the gore—in fact about the only thing this movie has going for it is the gore. No, it’s none of those things. The movie was just plain boring. I would sooner submit to water boarding rather than watch this…this THING! Hell, if you want to torture someone just show them this movie; unless they’ve already drafted laws against it. It wouldn’t surprise me. I would only recommend this movie as a bad example of what not to do if you want to get into the filmmaking business. Skip IT!

Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans Review

My rating
The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans is an amazing movie. The film reaches new levels of “Holly Crap!” and makes no apologies for itself. This movie is as raw as I’ve ever seen. Fans of movies like Traffic and Training Day will find it an exhilarating ride making those two other movies look like a Romper Room episodes.

The energy of it is overwhelming! There are times you watch this man behave in such destructive behavior and you feel so bad for him, but then he goes way beyond the realms of reasonable that it becomes more and more difficult to tolerate. You want to believe that he is trying to do good. You want to believe that deep inside he’s just trying to do right by the victims, but is he? Maybe he is, maybe he isn’t or maybe things just get out of hand. I think the man is a good man who has some SERIOUS problems and his problems just get worse by the minute.

Nicolas Cage gives an impressive performance. From the moment he hits the screen he gives off essence of awesome. His performance was worthy of an Oscar nomination. I sit here in awe wondering why they passed him by. Was he even considered? He played this part perfectly and I should know. I have back problems so I watched him very closely since he was playing the part of a man with the condition. His acting couldn’t have been better. I felt his pain; I saw pain and discomfort in his eyes and on his face. I wouldn’t be surprised if for preparing for this role he had a buddy whack him in the back with a 2X4, because he nailed the walk, the movements, the grimace, everything.

This is a must see film. Don’t think about the 1992 movie of the same name. This movie has nothing to do with that film. It isn’t a remake and it isn’t a sequel. It is its own entity and it is pretty darn impressive. I love how the film builds tension like a rope being twisted slowly and then how it all unravels at the end. The overall package is as close to perfection as you can get. This is an astounding film. Watch it!

Me and Orson Welles Review

My rating
What’s going on here? Is Me and Orson Wells a play or is it a movie? I seriously couldn’t tell the difference. The movie felt like a play of a play performing a play and that confused me at first. It made me forget that I was in fact watching a movie. The question is, was that a good thing or a bad thing? It all depends, do you like plays? If you do then you’ll probably like this movie. If you don’t, then by all means do not watch this film. If you don’t like plays, if you detest them, you are done! There is no need to go on reading this short review. If you do like a good play, by all means, continue.

If you have decided to continue reading my review it is probably because you enjoy a good play here and there. Or maybe you just love my writing—I can’t imagine why, but in either case here we go. I’ll assume you like plays. Since you like them so much, I think you are going to enjoy this movie. The performances in it are akin to those of the stage. There is witty dialog, good performances, romance, back stabbings, lots of those actually. The play… I mean the movie has something special for everyone.

This is a good story and I think it’s one that people will enjoy. I especially liked the sets, the clothing and the music. The movie is set in the 1950’s and it really did look the part. It would be nice to get the opinion of someone who lived through the era. I would like to know how close it was to the real deal. It looked really nice to me.

However, looks aren’t everything. When watching a movie I believe story is key and like I said this was a good story. I did, however, found the second act to be a little slow. The movie starts out strong and ends very effectively, the middle makes you wish they had either shortened it a bit or add just a touch more of excitement. There are a few key moments in the second act, so I can’t even recommend that you fast forward through it, but nevertheless, even with the slow middle the movie is still worth watching. If you really want to watch this film, don’t let me stop you.

Fantastic Mr. Fox Review

My rating
If I could only use one word to describe Fantastic Mr. Fox, it would have to be the word “Boring!” If I could use another word, I’d have to go with a big expletive to modify the adjective. I can’t even describe to you how bored I was watching this film. Using the Six Flags metering system I’d give it a half a flag, a quarter even! I’m serious, I’m lucky I stayed awake and coherent through it. I know that this wasn’t made for adults. I didn’t watch it looking for an adult story, but do you have to bore the living crap out of adults just to entertain children?

I was surprised to learn that this movie got a PG rating, really? As if adults would get any enjoyment from it what so ever. I didn’t see how that could be possible. Only newborns who are incapable of standing up and walking away from it could possibly suffer through it. There were plenty of moving images and talking animals to keep those young brains from developing properly and possibly discovering that this movie is actually really god awful boring. So if you hate your child (I won’t judge) feel free to pop this in the DVD player, plop your kid in front of the TV (don’t forget to prop him/her up with some sort of homemade child kickstand) while you go do something a bit more entertaining, like the dishes or laundry! Make sure you sedate the child so they don’t start crying 10 minutes into the film.

In my opinion this is Clooney’s worst acting job and I wasn’t very impressed with Meryl Streep’s performance either. It’s too bad too cause I love them both. The whole thing was just dull. I think I can best describe this movie as an “animated” bad children’s book. So unless you have kids you hate or you’re a diehard fan of stop motion, skip this movie entirely. If you want to watch something nice with the kids you love, may I suggest Ponyo or Coraline.

That Evening Sun Review

My rating
I was drawn to this movie like a convict looking at a poster of a model. From the moment I saw that old man flee from his nursing home. I just knew I was in for a good film. This movie was captivating, entertaining, and intense from the moment it started till the very end.

I have never seen anything like this before. This is a story of grudge between a mean old man and a stubborn young drunk. The tension between the two characters is felt through the screen like a defibrillator jolt. These two actors were outstanding. You could feel the anger and the resentment between these two individuals anytime they interacted. It was just uncanny.

This movie was just amazing; the story is brilliant! The writer devised a problem where neither of the two men were at fault. The old man’s farm house had been leased to an old enemy without his knowledge while he was in the nursing home. Naturally the old man was furious at this and wanted his house back and he would do anything to get it back. However, the new owner had no intention of giving up his new property which he intended to buy after the lease was up and he would do just about anything to get the crazy old man off his property. They were both stubborn and neither of them would budge. They argued, and they feud, and they threatened; it was brilliant, just brilliant!

It’s not very often one comes across a movie like this. Movies with great stories and flawless acting do not come by very often. When they do, they are a treat to watch and I believe this movie was such a treat. The only thing that troubled me was the end. The filmmaker left the end so ambiguous that it almost felt like there was no ending. However, when you stop and think about a feud like this, is there ever a clear end, is anything ever resolved. Nothing good can come from a problem like this. That really made me think and isn’t that what great movies are supposed to do? Now, if I am not mistaken the short story that this movie was based on also ended very ambiguously. Perhaps the film was just trying to do right by the original story.

What an amazing movie! If you want to see a great drama, this is it!

White on Rice Review

My rating

White on Rice is nothing like I thought it was going to be. Don’t let the name of this film give you any indication of what this movie is about; it won’t help you! A quarter or so into the movie and you’ll realize why it’s called “white on rice.” And it has nothing to do with the cultural reference of Japanese eating rice. No, it’s more akin to the maxim “Like white on rice” meaning someone who clings to you like a long lost brother.

The movie starts with footage of a bad Japanese samurai movie. It is obviously a very bad dubbing job. What they are doing in this scene is showing you right away that you’re in for a silly treat. That is what this movie was, a silly, silly treat. However, I really liked it. It was warm and witty and pretty darn smart. The comedy is done well with excellent timing. I can’t remember how many times I just laughed out loud freaking the hell out of my dog. This is a really sweet, feel good movie.